Radical gratitude begins when we stop taking life for granted.
~Mary Jo Leddy
The following recommendations to begin a gratitude practice were developed after leading The Gratefulness Experiment for the past three years and hearing from participants about what worked (or didn’t). Please share in a comment if you have extra insights from your own process!
For one, be assured, you already know something about gratitude.
You’ve already had an experience – or many – of gratefulness. Perhaps it was as recent as losing your keys and finding them again. When you found them, you experienced a glad relief and, for a moment, stopped taking them for granted. You likely resolved to treat your keys better next time (placing them on the key rack instead of absent-mindedly shelving them in the fridge). In that case, you already have some solid, basic ingredients to get you started.
There are also some deeper moments of gratitude that you have surely experienced -relationally (birth, union, promotion) or in recovery (health, finances, addiction). But since we’re talking about where to begin, we’ll leave that for a future post. But, yes, you already have a sense of and perhaps even an expertise in gratitude.
And if you’re not sure about the above, recognize that you are capable of gratefulness. This is an important acknowledgment, especially for those of us who are not sunny by nature. There is a presumption that gratefulness is equal to chipperness, which is a common mistake. I would rather say that you may just experience deep, abiding joy (which is accessible to all personalities) if you stick to the practice. And for those who lean toward cheery naturally, you might be surprised to discover depths of gratitude that bring an important groundedness to your outlook.
The next step is to understand that this will primarily entail building a habit of noticing. This will require a change to your regular programming. You will need to slow down in order to take notice. You will need to make room in your heart and mind and, literally, in your schedule, for that. This will not be second nature, not yet. You’re learning a new skill, which means tolerating being a beginner, which means taking it slow.
What is it you’ll be noticing?
You’ll be looking for good things – what is beautiful and/or beneficial. But if even that seems like a stretch for your heart and mind in its current condition, you can start by looking for things that surprise you – that are unexpected and out of the ordinary. If you can’t easily find a surprise, I would advise you to look smaller – think “wee factor” rather than “wow factor.” Adjust your aperture to the macro setting and tune into tiny.
People in previous Gratefulness Experiments came up with such things as: the soft pilling on their jogging pants; the way the early morning sunlight snuck past their blackout curtains to create an interesting pattern; the smooth flow of ink from a borrowed pen. These things would generally go unnoticed or unacknowledged, but now you won’t be letting them so easily pass you by.
Note: don’t let the search for small dissuade you of the big power of gratitude! This is how the eyesight improves and the heart cracks open, bit by bit.
Then you’ll start a list – three good things you’ve noticed. Another way to look at it is: track three things a day you’ll stop taking for granted. For example:
- tap water
- the elevator door held for me
- my left elbow
Three is not a number set in stone, but it is enough to stretch your gratitude muscles.
Each day, list three “new things,” to build the habit. (Though you may maintain ongoing gratitude for your left elbow, you won’t need to write it down every day.)
When I write my list, I like to frame it, “Thank you, God, for…” I think this can be a missing ingredient in our gratitude practice, but to name the giver as well as the gift is key to developing this prayer practice.
The other thing you’ll be noticing is when gratitude is hard. It is equally important that you look at this discipline with curiosity rather than judgment. You will not always be grateful. You will need to re-engage yourself in the process from time to time. Make it a matter of prayer to look with the Lord at the barriers that are keeping you from thankfulness, remembering that he is gracious and full of compassion. Be curious to ask, “I wonder why I’m finding it hard to give thanks,” not, “I’m bad/failing at giving thanks.”
I’d like to add that you will can strengthen this habit if you do it with others. I run Gratefulness Experiments for this reason, but you could just as easily gather a friend or a few and start a chat or add it into your walking club conversations. Share what you’re thankful for and what you’ve observed – the obstacles, the insights, and the changes.
If you keep at it – noticing and tracking prayerfully – you’re well on your way to building a gratefulness practice. In so doing, you may find that your perspective will shift, you’ll gain deeper insights, you’ll become dissatisfied with being dissatisfied, and you’ll wonder at the goodness around you.
Grace to you as you seek to live gratefully!
Got questions? Reach out to me by email!
Summary
- Acknowledge you know something about and are capable of gratefulness;
- Slow down and make space for a new practice;
- Look for what is good – beautiful and/or beneficial *or* look for surprises;
- Track three good things/surprises a day (Thank you, God, for…);
- Notice when it’s hard (and prayerfully consider why that might be);
- Bonus – involve others in the practice;
- Be patient with yourself as you build this new discipline!
Related posts:
Curbing “the drift” in your gratitude practice
3 reasons why a gratefulness practice is difficult
In Everything 